英文单词 爱 的解析WhatisTrueLove
笔者前几天看了一个TedX视频，演讲人Femi Ggunjinmi 是一名情感关系理疗师。他提出了一个观点，让笔者这一段时间不由自主地反复思考。我总结了他的意思：“True love is the action of passion and sacrifice.” 真爱是热忱与牺牲的行为。 (文末附有原视频)。
笔者不知道大家对“爱”这个词怎么理解，当我们说“我爱你”的时候，我们心里想的到底是什么呢？虚与委蛇的感情欺骗？满足彼此利益的交易关系？还是不求回报的真心付出？不管是哪种，笔者猜测，我们总能将其冠以各种标签，从“PUA”，到“渣男渣女”，再到“舔狗不得house”，应有尽有。这足见当下我们对“爱”的定义分歧颇多，尤其是作为国人，我们传统文化推崇的是“仁义礼智信”，并不讲究“爱”，所以这对我们来说更是一个困扰的问题。
稍微有点离题，还是回到文章开头的那句英文吧。这当中有一个英文单词“passion”，意思是对某人某事有强烈的情感，我们通常把它翻译成激情。但“爱是对某人的激情行为”，这听起来明显有点不合适；这个词在原文语境中更偏向“enthusiasm”，即热情或者热忱的意思。你对你爱的人充满热忱，这听起来还不错。
众所周知，英文词汇的主要两个来源是拉丁文和古希腊文。
让笔者意想不到的是，“passion”的拉丁文原型“passionem”的意思居然是“去忍耐和经受必须忍受的事情”。这也被用于特指“基督被钉十字架”的痛苦 (suffering)。这个意思似乎与“热忱的爱”相去甚远。
但是，不妨回想一下，在我们各自的感情经历中，那些让人心中煎熬的回忆。不知大家有没有过对另一半漫长的等待，自己内心焦灼，但对方却满不在乎；或者大家是否容忍过另一半的坏毛病和臭脾气，自己无限的包容最后竟成了纵容，诸如此类。
以上这些略显鸡毛蒜皮的小事，如果你曾经多次切身经历过，那么你的身体一定会帮你回忆起当时的感觉，一种发自内心的焦躁不安，简称“难受”。但是为了爱情，我们又必须经受这些难以忍受的事情，谓之“痛苦”。
由此，感情中不管大事小事都是在塑造我们的耐心与宽容。这些也是“牺牲 (sacfrifice)”所需要的品质。
你对一个人充满“热忱 (passion)”，就必须放弃一些自己的欢愉和高贵；这是痛苦的，因为你必须自愿弃绝那些你原本认为重要的东西，来换取与你爱人之间的关系；你是那么得不情愿，因为这一切看起来似乎是那么得不值得。
但我们往往又选择这么做，就像基督选择为罪人牺牲自己，拯救世人脱离罪的网罗一样。
所以，“passion”与“sacrifice”本就为一体。而在古英语中，我们现在常说的“charity 慈善”其实原意是“爱”的意思，即“仁慈的，慷慨给予的，足够尊重的爱”；而这个词又源自古希腊文“agape”，意思是“自我牺牲的”。爱一个人，就是愿意为其牺牲自己的利益。
而这种自我牺牲的爱，也体现在古希伯来的“爱”当中，即“ahavah”，意思是“给予奉献和时间”；而且这个词并不仅仅表示一种意愿，而是更强调“给予的行动”。给予的行为是表达爱的方式。所以，没有行为的爱心是死的。
真正的爱，是对你所爱之人自我牺牲的行为。或许我们很难做到这一点，但是我们也应尽力追求这份真爱，因为也只有它能够跨越时间的长河，永不止息。
最后附上《哥林多前书》中一段经典的文字作为结束：
爱是恒久忍耐，又有恩慈；爱是不嫉妒；爱是不自夸，不张狂， 不做害羞的事，不求自己的益处，不轻易发怒，不计算人的恶， 不喜欢不义，只喜欢真理； 凡事包容，凡事相信，凡事盼望，凡事忍耐。 爱是永不止息。
本文改写自笔者之前对视频的英文评论，原本只想写个短评，但是没控制好；英文原文如下：
“True love is the action of passion and sacrifice”, says Femi Ggunjinmi, a famous international relationship coach.
It’s an inspiring saying. I’d not like to elaborate his argument further as he had made it clear and persuasive. What I would like to add is that I just happened to know that the word of “passion” is derived from Latin “passionem”, meaning “to endure, undergo, experience that which must be endured”.
It also referred to the sufferings of Christ on the Cross. So, the original meaning of “passion” seems quite different from its modern meaning - a strong feeling of love or enthusiasm, etc for something.
But practically, love is suffering especially when we recall those heart-broken moments in our relationships and we have to endure them painfully. Sometimes, you have to wait for your loved one for centuries without any response and reason; or we have to tolerate his/her habits, temper, and caprice now and then. All of these require us to grow pertinence and forgivingness.
So, it is true that we have to forgo our own pleasure and dignity in order to be “passionate” to one another. “Passion” is suffering because we have to give up something important in our lives voluntarily and painfully, in exchange for the relationship with someone who seems to be unworthy; but we still choose to do it just as Christ, son of God, sacrificed himself to redeem us from sin and death.
Passion is just another term for sacrifice after all. And this is why “charity” also means love in Old English - “benevolent, generously giving, to esteem highly, to love”, which is derived from Ancient Greek “agape”, meaning “self-sacrificing”.
This kind of love also echoes the Ancient Hebrew word, “Ahavah” in the Old Testament. It means “to give devotion and time”, and it also emphasises “the action of giving”. Giving is the vehicle of love. In this way, love by itself, if it is not accompanied by action, is dead.
True love is the action of self-sacrificing to the one you love. It is difficult to truly love someone, but it is worth pursuing true love as it is everlasting and never fails.
“Charity suffereth long, and is kind; charity envieth not; charity vaunteth not itself, is not puffed up, Doth not behave itself unseemly, seeketh not her own, is not easily provoked, thinketh no evil; Rejoiceth not in iniquity, but rejoiceth in the truth; Beareth all things, believeth all things, hopeth all things, endureth all things. Charity never faileth.” - 1 Corinthians 13 (KJV)
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的解析WhatisTrueLove 英文单词